PSTU News Channel 3
Portland's choice for pre-Enclosure news and coverage since 2075

Countdown to Enclosure!

Enclosure is coming this year, in late 2114. Are you and your loved ones prepared? PSTU 3 has all the latest news and coverage on pre-Enclosure events. Stay tuned here for important news as it happens. [more info]


Should Nano-Juicing Be Allowed In Pro Sports?

(Tualatin) With recent advances in nano-technology, opponents of injecting nano-technology - a term known as "nano-juicing" - are questioning whether this practice should be banned from pro-sports. Proponent's say that nano-juicing allows athletes to meet their true potential and is no worse than caffeine or an energy drink prior to a workout.

"That [the idea that nano-juicing is like caffeine] is patently absurd, " says Dr. Temperance Hooper, Director of Athletic Sports Medicine at Stanford University School of Medicine. "Nano-technology can alter the actual physiology of the subject. In some cases at the DNA-level. To compare it to drinking a cup of coffee or a sports-drink is a dangerous message to the public. And professional athletes should never use technology to enhance their own natural abilities."

"Nano-juicing is a no-brainer, " writes Chuck Feinstein, a weight-lifter from Boston, MA who says he "juices" several times a day. "The benefit in terms of muscle mass for someone who pushes protein enhancers means more gain in less time. And I take in way less protein on average than guys who are drinking [protein] shakes. That's going to be really good for those of us who like to lift after Enclosure. I mean, where are we going to get protein in the volumes lifters use now?" When asked Chuck said he had yet to win the Enclosure Lottery in Boston.

"In this case, " counters Hooper, "it is not only enhanced protein intake from nano-injection but a reduction in myostatin that allows weight-lifters to gain additional muscle mass. Long-term nano-juicing could even damage even the GDF-8 gene which allows our bodies to produce myostatin in the first place. This could lead to wholesale myotonic hypertrophy [increased muscle mass] for the genetic offspring of nano-juicers."

"What's not to like about that?" asks Feinstein.

Tyron Hirscht, media spokesperson for the newly privatized U.S. Food and Drug Administration, added his own comments about nano-juicing: "The FDA has not found any evidence that nano-technology is harmful to the human body. In fact, nano-technology has shown to have far-reaching benefits in terms of physical and mental health. We wholly support the use of nano-injection therapy as prescribed by a physician." Hirscht is the grandson of CEO Ryan Hirscht III of Hirscht Micromachines, a leading company in nanotechnology.

Sign-up for our newsletter to receive email updates as news happens:
newsletter options
The Enclosure Lottery, Win A Life!
Have you entered your family in the Enclosure lottery? Guaranteed reservations in the new Portland Enclosure when you win!

Craftsmen and those with technical skills get a 5% bonus chance to win - report to your local lottery center and apply today!
ads by CoyoteAds

Today's news brought to you by Hirscht Micromachines - "Helping Make People Into Robots"
PSTU 3 Daily Poll

Do you support Enclosure?

  Yes
  No
  Not Sure

 
 33% Yes
 
 44% No
 
 23% Not Sure


Your PSTU New Channel 3 Team:
Joe Grand, Sports
Ignatius Reilly, Local and National
Ed Teach, Weather









This site is a work of fiction. All characters and events appearing in this work are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.







Images from Wikimedia Commons, see licenses text for details



© Copyright Spider House Games, LLC. ® Registered Spider House Games, LLC